her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
