I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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