I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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