I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
