Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
