almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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