I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
