hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
