Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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