can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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