Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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