so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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