there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
