Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize