I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
