He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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