If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
