Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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