There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
