And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
