when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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