This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
