I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
