So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
