Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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