just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
