Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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