All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
