A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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