Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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