I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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