haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
