Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
