too bad you live with your parents still
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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