Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
