Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
