I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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