ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
