I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
