my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
