Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
