$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
