Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
