I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
