Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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