At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
