I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
