I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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