We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
