I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
